Listening to Your Parents Now more than Ever….

Have you ever felt that the more you do for your elderly parent the more they are bent on stopping you from doing your job as a caregiver?  They seem bent on putting up road blocks to letting you just do the housework, the laundry, the groceries, cooking some meals, run errands or help them with the finances… No doubt your list is as long as your arm of things to do to help your parent live a clean and healthier life and your intentions are to help them stay in their own home with your help… 

Your time is limited with all the other duties you have at home, at work and caring for your own family… You know that part of your job as caregiver is to take care of chores and do the things your aging parent cannot do any more or just doesn’t do because of fatigue or general lack of attention to detail.   So when your parent wants you to forget all that work and just sit and talk, it can be very frustrating.  What is aggravating to you may be very important to your parent, maybe even more important than getting the laundry done.

Reality is….Anybody could do those things but there is only one you, their daughter, son or other loved one.  Although being a caregiver does require all the work above it also requires you to still be their loved one….. You are  close to the heart of your aging parent which makes you the one that will understand when she talks about things she is thinking or feeling that day or wants to reminisce about the past.  If you feel overwhelmed and unable to spend time just being with your loved one then realize it's time to hire someone else to do those chores so you can enjoy being with them again...

Spending time together is more important than doing laundry!

The value companionship to your parent during your visits is priceless and taking the time to do so will provide much needed comfort for both of you.  The emotional and family support you provide to your parent is central to his health, well being and feeling of who he is in the world.  He will be storing up dozens of little anecdotes and stories to share with you when you come over.  Sharing all of this with you, his loved one is key to their emotional health so it becomes vitally important for you to maintain your patience level as well as be a good listener.

Never underestimate the power of good listening skills. Focusing with attention on what a person is sharing with you give them a feeling of being loved.  A good listener doesn’t just let the other person talk and say “uh huh” every so often.  If you are just tolerating your parent as she shares little things with you, that will become apparent and be worse than if you didn’t talk to her at all.  The best way to fit your fellowship and relationship time around work time is to start out each visit with some time together just to talk. 

Perhaps you may start a new routine by every time you visit bringing lunch or a treat with you and making a pot tea to sit and chat for an hour before you get started on your many tasks. This is when you can focus all of your attention on what mom or dad has to say. 

Then at an appropriate time, you can ease your way into your tasks or ask what needs doing today. You can even offer to let them sit and keep chatting while you work.  Share what is going on in your life at the moment, such as work; news about the grandchildren, your siblings, and the world news and so on... keep their minds active and aware of the outside world. Remember you bring it to them.

 By being patient and open with your aging loved one and having good listening skills will allow them to open up to you about the important things going on in their lives.  

This will ensure you are aware and ready to move into the next phase of care giving when the time comes.