Vulnerable Seniors in Danger...

I am compelled to share this with you..  Do not turn a blind eye!!

February 27, 2012 Dear Donors, We would like to update you on our fundraising efforts to save the Senior Safety Line. Another week and the thermometer rose by $5,000 ! Thanks to your contributions, we have raised $25,000 toward our immediate goal of $75,000 to maintain the Senior Safety Line to June, 2012. Here's how you helped one senior last week: An elderly woman called to report that her son and daughter-in-law were being verbally and emotionally abusive and were also hitting her. Her son, daughter-in-law and their children were all living in her home as her husband had passed away. The physical abuse left her with bruises. She had not previously shared her personal experience with anyone until she called the Senior Safety Line. The Senior Safety Line staff provided emotional support, guided her through the challenges she was experiencing and talked about her options which gave her a sense of renewed courage to prevent further abuse. The SSL staff stated "we discussed safety planning options with her, including calling the police and leaving the home to live with another family member who she anticipated would be supportive. We also referred her to agencies that served seniors, as well as to other programs that work with seniors of her cultural group. We encouraged her to call us again". The care and generous support from yourself and your colleagues has enabled the Senior Safety Line to continue achieving its goal of providing emotional support, information, and referrals for seniors who are abused or at-risk for abuse and for their friends and family as well as professionals and service providers requiring system navigation support. We thank you for your support and ask that you spread the word to your friends and colleagues. Sincerely, Anadel Hastie, Teri Kay Chair, Board of Directors Executive Director For more information regarding the Senior Safety Line (1-866-299-1011) and the critical work of The Ontario Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse (ONPEA) please visit www.onpea.org To access more information on ONPEA's on-going fundraising efforts, visit www.acupoftea.ca

Elder Abuse is on the Rise, Right Under Your Nose!

Elder Abuse on the Rise!
Every day elders in our community are being abused at the hands of those they love more then strangers.

What is Elder Abuse?

The measure of a society is how we treat our most vulnerable sectors.  Abuse has a face, a name and lives next door to you without you even knowing it!

What most people don’t understand is that elder abuse is no different then child abuse.  It comes in many forms and is on the rise.  Most people think of elder abuse as slapping or hitting your grandparent but truth is it is much more then this.  Many in our society turn a blind eye to its existence or are mortified to even suggest such a thing would take place….

Abuse is defined and exists as physical, mental, emotional, and financial as well as neglect. For the most part we understand the physical side of abuse – slapping, punching, kicking… how about tearing ones skin by being too rough – as we age our skin become paper thin and requires special care… lack of knowledge about appropriate skin care or lack of caring can lead to many detrimental health issues.

Mental & emotional abuse can be defined as yelling or screaming at someone, calling them names.. How about not listening to someone, how about leaving them in the dark regarding their own care, talking above them like they weren’t in the room, telling someone they are a burden or if they didn’t have to care for them their lives would be so much better.. How about telling someone you wish they would just die!  This is abuse.

Neglect alone has many levels such as depriving an elder of proper nutrition, leaving someone sitting in their own excrement and not changing them, not providing the proper home temperature, no proper bathing assistance, the lack of support – no human contact, the lack of proper equipment to assist someone in their activities of daily living, proper healthcare, dental care and so much more…..

Depression and loneliness can result from aging itself as all your friends and even your spouse dies.. as your family grows up and gets busy with their own lives or moves away… this can leave an elderly person as easy pray for those just waiting to take advantage and can lead to numerous physical health issues.

Facts that indicate elder abuse is on the rise in our community due to

·         An entire society not ready to take on the responsibility of the huge numbers of baby boomers about to turn 65

·         Not enough programs ready for this huge shift in our society to carry the burden of the largest sector of our population as seniors

·         Lack of government funding into programs to assist seniors and families to adjust

·         lack of support systems to help us care for our elders,

·         lack of education as to how to care for our elders

·         lack of education about what elder abuse is,

·         the strain on families due to lack of funding to help them care for their elders,

·         the financial burden caring for seniors places on families already in a weak economy

·         lack of beds available in nursing homes

·         exorbitant prices charged by retirement homes with little personal care assistance

·         lack of day programs available for seniors that require special assistance such as toileting, ambulatory help, medication assistance

·         lack of respite beds available to give families a break – little or no caregiver relief

·         lack of funds available to outfit a home with appropriate mobility aids, bathing aids and equipment to assist in making caring for an elderly person easier

·         lack of support groups to assist caregivers in transitioning to this new stage in their own lives

·         having to adjust your life to care for elderly parents and children, earn a living and live your own life leaves little down time

·         having to keep up with elders many life appointments as well as medical appointments which increase as we age and still keep our own schedules adds tremendous stress to our lives

Does Elder Abuse really exist and if so is there anything we can do about it as an individual or as a community?

YES and YES!

By educating oneself on the importance of appropriate care for our seniors, we prepare ourselves for changes in our own lives with our parents and are more adept at prevention and care for ourselves.

By participating in the prevention we front end load the solution so when the times comes when the biggest portion of our population is senior we are prepared.  We can alleviate some of the issues that may arise as a result of lack of preparation.  We are more open to see when abuse is taking place, we are ready to act because with education comes confidence to do the right thing. 

A community that stands together to care for their elderly is a community that will thrive as it ages… WE all have a place in our world every day as each one of ages, we are useful, we can contribute and our legacy as a society depends on our ability to respect the past in order to move forward.

Participate, volunteer, educate yourself, share the knowledge with others and be a part of the change…  
For more info go to:  Ontario Network for the Prevention of Elder Abuse

by Tina Dezsi, CEO T&E HealthPros Inc. & Full Life Integrated Healthcare Centre

Helping Your Parent Deal with the Loss of the Other….

Perhaps the hardest task you will ever be faced with is to help one of your parents cope with the loss of their spouse.  Naturally, this is going to be a traumatic time for the whole family because you have grief yourself.  This is a difficult transitional time in the remaining spouse’s life as well as the family.

As you grieve the loss yourself, others around you will need your support such as your own spouse and children.  Add to that the remaining parents grief and you may now feel overwhelm at all that has been heaped on your plate.  Patience to understand and support everyone around you may be the hardest thing to do at this moment. 

Many times, this pulls families together like nothing else and other times it pushes them apart.  Remaining tuned into your own feelings is essential to your own emotional health so that you may care for those around you.

Assisting with funeral arrangements allows both you and your parent time to prepare.  The purpose of the funeral is to allow everyone that cared about the deceased to feel closure and to celebrate their life.  If your dad was ill and going through a lot of discomfort, there is often a sense of relief that he is no longer suffering.  It also provides comfort to the family members with strong religious faith with that assurance of the afterlife.

Only you will be able to gauge how much support or comfort your parent needs in the days just after the passing.  It’s important to remember that grief surfaces in strange ways.  Many times the real deep grief does not surface at the funeral or even in the days just after as family stays around to be close and go through group processing of the loss of a loved one.

It’s often when family goes home, the cards, flowers and phone calls stop and the routine of daily life sets in that you should plan to be very accessible to your parent.  That is when the emotions of grief will surface in the quiet and privacy of the home.  It might be advisable in this kind of situation that you stay with the grieving parent for period of a week or two to help with the transition or to have someone look in on them often.

Everyone grieves in their own way, often we expect someone to behave in ways that we would.  It is imperative that we do not impose our own ideas of how she or he should be grieving... Many times when long illnesses are involved the bulk of the grieving was done before the person was gone.  Although, there will surely be a period of adjustment and there will be the stages of grief that one has to go through it may be very different then you expect it to be… be patient and allow them their privacy and choice of how to deal with it.

On a very different hand, we put a noble face on it and say we are grieving “for” the lost one; grief can be just as real for the one who remains because it is she who has to learn to go through life’s routines without that spouse.  The loss of what life should have been for them that remains is very real and should be acknowledged to allow the healing. Taking extra measures to be present during mealtime and those little moments of the day, you can talk through times when your widowed parent remembers that the dearly departed was part of this part of life.

Rebuilding what is now will take some time and being alone during those first months may be difficult for them.  You as caregiver can help that transition by not letting large lapses of time happen between visits. Yes, obviously, your parent will eventually have to learn to get through the rituals of life alone; however you being there for her will be comforting and allow for an easier transition.

Allow the memories and talk of the deceased to happen as often as it comes.  The value of talking about the fun, interesting and wonderful things about the dearly departed is essential to healing.  It is a way of reminding ourselves that he didn’t really go away.  The memory of him will be here forever in your hearts.  Go through old family photos together, enjoy your family history, laugh about the good times and cry when you need to… nothing is more cathartic than sharing grief together.

The joy of these times will be tremendously healing for the grieving senior and for you too.  Living through your grief, healing, closure and moving on together, allows even deeper bonding with your parent and lays the groundwork for the important care giving challenges you and she will face together in the months and years to come. 

Offering the opportunity to attend a support group to your loved one and for yourself is a viable option to help you wade through the stages of grief as well.. Accessing professional assistance can help in ways that could not be done alone. 

For more info contact www.fulllifecentre.com or 905.436.2772.